I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I would fuck him just for his dog
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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