Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
