How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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