He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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