the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
