it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
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Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
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it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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