we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
