you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
