jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
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Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
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I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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