I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
