Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
