True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
