i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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