last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
