i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
