the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
