turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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