We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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