its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Please don't give away my fajitas
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