I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
dude. I can hear the air.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
