My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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