In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
