We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
