hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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