Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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