Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
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Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
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I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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