i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
