I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
