Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
