First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I FOUND THE LEGS
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
