her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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