just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize