real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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