If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
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The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
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The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
How naked do you want me to be?
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