I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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