Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
