He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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