Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
