Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
