I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
