omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
