Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
