So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
