I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
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It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
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Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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