so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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