you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
