dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
