Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
