Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
