and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
