i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
