this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
