Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
