Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
