I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize