I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
