Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
