This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
