He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
