Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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