get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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