oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
