Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
