i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
