I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
