He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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