Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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