Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
