Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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