Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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