White coat. Heels.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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