YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
