he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize