I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
