i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We had to coat check the pizza.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
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So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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