Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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