Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
