RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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